The Princess' Jester
by Venetia5
Summary: Hermione Jean Granger was a model student. She was beautiful, a prefect, a witch, and achieved the highest grades in all her classes. She was always loyal to her friends and tried to stay out of trouble, which was especially difficult as she was Harry Potter's friend. She was practically perfect. Until she made a bet. Adopted from SlytherinWalker. Rated T for now.
1. Chapter 1

**The Princess' Jester and the War of Pranks**

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**Yes, this story was originally written by SlytherinWalker, but they have since abandoned this story and have given me permission to continue writing it. All credit for the original idea and the first chapter goes to SlytherinWalker. Thanks.**

**Note: This story takes place in Hermione's fifth year.**

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Chapter 1

Hermione Jean Granger was a model student. She was beautiful, a prefect, a witch, and achieved the highest grades in all her classes. She was always loyal to her friends and tried to stay out of trouble, which was especially difficult as she was Harry Potter's friend. She was practically perfect. Until she made a bet.

Hermione stepped into the common room, only to be startled by a first year boy throwing up all over her uniform. Hermione sat the boy on the chair, trying to console him. He was blubbering and trying to stutter out an apology when she noticed that he was holding a pack of what looked like 'Puking Pastilles', an invention created by Weasley Twins.

'Don't worry I am not angry...not with you, anyway. I am angry at the fools who gave you theses. I suggest you go down to the hospital wing and see if Madame Pomfrey has anything to give you.'

The boy nodded as Hermione gave him a bucket and sent him on his way. He got up and walked to the hospital wing. Hermione waited until the portrait closed behind him before yelling up the stairs that led to the boys' dormitories, 'GEORGE FABIAN WEASLEY AND FREDERICK GIDEON WEASLEY, GET YOURSELVES DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW!'

Seconds later George hurtled down the stairs, closely followed by his twin. When they saw Hermione they burst out laughing, clutching at their stomachs. Hermione knew that they found the entire situation funny and realised that shouting at them would get her nowhere.

'How many times do I have to tell you not to test on first years?' She scolded in an exasperated tone

'Oh come on Granger,' Fred said in between bouts of laughter. 'Stop acting like a stuck up princess and learn to take a joke!'

'I would rather be a princess than a jester,' she retorted, sticking her tongue out at him.

'I bet you have never pulled a prank in your life,' George said, smirking.

'I played a prank on my father once,' replied Hermione, placing her hands on her hips, before continuing, 'and besides, I bet I can prank you both, and show the school what fools you really are.'

'Fine Hermione, you're on,' George and Fred said simultaneously.

'What?' Hermione looked extremely confused. The twins laughed at her expression before explaining.

'George and I will prank you, while you and one other person will prank us. The first to back down loses,' Fred said, offering his hand to her

Hermione shook hands with both of the twins and announced that she would ask Ginny to aid her. The twins shook their heads before starting back up towards their dorms, laughing all the way. Hermione sat down on the sofa and started to do her homework.

An hour later, Hermione had finally completed her potions essay from Snape, her stupid DADA work given to her by the 'Pink Devil', and her analysis on the study of ancient runes. She glanced at her watch and saw that it was 9:30pm. Hermione still had to speak to Ginny about her deal with the twins.

A moment later, Ginny walked through the portrait. Ginny looked at Hermione and could see something else, besides homework, was on her mind.

'What's wrong?' Ginny asked as she perched next to Hermione on the sofa, curling her legs up underneath her. Hermione regaled the tale to Ginny, watching as her friend's expression changed from shocked to amused.

'You, Hermione Granger, bookworm and genius extraordinaire, have challenged Fred Weasley and George Weasley, my brothers, pranksters extraordinaire, to a prank war?' She asked incredulously. Hermione nodded, smiling sheepishly.

'Will you be my help?' Hermione asked tentatively, uncertain of what Ginny's reaction would be

'I would love too,' she replied without a moment of hesitation.

'Okay, that's a relief. So, seeing as you're their sister, you should know all their weaknesses,' Hermione said thoughtfully, her mind already trawling through the possible pranks that she and Ginny could pull over the next few weeks.

'Ooh, I am so excited,' Ginny squealed in a rather high pitched voice that hurt Hermione's ears. 'I never imagined that I would one day be plotting against my brothers with you Hermione. Anyways, those two have 3 weaknesses! The first is mum. Everyone is scared of her and everyone wants to please her. The second is love. They both have crushes on two girls. We can use that to our advantage. Their third and final weakness is pride. They pride themselves on being the best pranksters, and also being two of the most attractive 7th years in the school. If we could somehow wound their massive egos and take away their pride in the process...' Ginny trailed off, leaving the idea open to further thought later.

'Okay so how can we use those weaknesses to our advantage?'

'I have an amazing idea,' Ginny exclaimed before beckoning Hermione closer and whispering her plan to the brunette.

Fred and George awoke the next morning with mischievous grins on their faces. The night before they had stayed up until midnight concocting some of their best pranks ever that they could use on Hermione and Ginny.

As they walked down to the common room, they noticed that all eyes were on them. Girls whispered to each other while pointing at the twins and giggling. Lee noticed them and walked over to them.

'Whoa! Fred! I never knew you like Pansy Parkinson,' Lee sniggered, grinning widely. George nearly choked on his laughter after hearing this news.

'Shut it George!' Fred glared at his twin menacingly. 'Lee, I am not dating Pansy. We've started a prank war against Hermione and Ginny. This is probably their first prank. It's good, I'll admit that. But it's not true,' he explained carefully to his friend.

Lee looked shocked at the thought of Hermione, goody-two shoes and Gryffindor Princess, starting a prank war with the twins. 'The same Hermione who always tells you two off for your joke products?' Lee asked, slightly confused and thinking that he'd misunderstood, that they were talking about another Hermione or that he'd misheard them.

The twins nodded. Fred and George both knew that the war had begun. Both of the twins marched down to the great hall for breakfast while conjuring a plan on the way.

Luckily, when the twins arrived, the hall was packed and there was no sign of Umbridge. As Fred and George were eating their breakfast, girls continually kept turning round to look at Fred and giggle. Fred knew that he shouldn't show Hermione that the prank had annoyed him. Luna Lovegood came up to Fred and George.

'Just to let you know there will be a certain secret meeting in the Hogs Head this weekend,' Luna whispered to them. 'Is it true Fred and Pansy are going out?' George shook his head and Luna shrugged before walking back to her seat.

Fred, having had enough of the prank already, climbed onto the table and shouted for everyone's attention, and the din in the hall died down. Hermione looked up from work, hoping that the twins had backed out of the prank war, however unlikely that might be.

'Everyone, I need to tell you something! Pansy and I are not dating!" Fred shouted at the top of his voice, and

'Now do you believe me, Draco?' Pansy asked Malfoy as he ducked his head in shame. He muttered something back at her and they both went back to eating before Fred's voice interrupted everyone once again.

'However, I am dating someone,' George looked up, confused. He and Fred shared everything. But this was most definitely news to him. 'I am in a relationship with Hermione Granger. Yes, that's right. I, Fred Weasley, ½ of the Weasley Twins and amazing Prankster, am dating Hermione Granger, bookworm and Gryffindor Princess!' He announced to everyone in the hall, shocking everyone.

However, no one was more shocked than Hermione, who spat out the pumpkin juice she had been drinking only moments before. Her head snapped towards Fred and she gave him her most evil glare, to which he responded with a grin. Ginny shot her a sympathetic smile and continued to dig into her breakfast. Hermione gave George one last glare before gathering up her books and storming out of the Great Hall. She knew that disputing what Fred had said would only lead to more embarrassment for her. She left the hall swiftly, vowing to exact revenge on Fred for what he'd just done to her.


	2. Chapter 2

**The Princess' Jester**

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**Thank you very much to nikyta and iLoveRomance2o11for their lovely reviews. Thank you also to everyone who has followed this story and favourited it.**

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Chapter 2

It was a little after four in the afternoon when the inevitable happened. Hermione had shut herself away in the safety of the library, hoping for a bit of peace and quiet, away from the whispering and pointing fingers. Apparently no one could tell that Fred was actually lying about them being an item. Including Ron and Harry.

The first sign that should have alerted Hermione that something was wrong was Madame Pince falling asleep at her desk, something which she hadn't ever done before in the many years that she had been Hogwarts' librarian. The second was the flash of red hair stealing through the open door. The third was the sound of heavy footsteps advancing towards her, far heavier than Madame Pince's.

However, Hermione didn't notice any of this as she was too enthralled in her new book, 'How to Dish Defeat to Deadly Dragons', (written by none other than Charlie Weasley). So to say she was startled when Ron and Harry appeared in front of her would have been a very large understatement. She jumped back in her chair, almost toppling it backwards when Harry caught one of her flailing hands and pulled the chair back onto four legs.

'Is it true?' The questions suddenly burst out from Ron. He couldn't take it anymore. He had to know whether his rotten brother had really stolen the love of his life. It may have been a very sappy way of putting it, but Ron hadn't really fancied another girl since he'd seen Hermione at the Yule Ball. He couldn't believe how blind he'd been before, how he hadn't noticed how beautiful she was until she was on the arm of another man. He could remember quite clearly now, the jealousy he'd felt towards Krum and how he'd longed for Hermione to dance with him instead.

'No, it's not,' Hermione replied exasperatedly. People had been asking her the same question throughout the entire day, and she was quite honestly exhausted and rather fed up of having to give the same answer, again and again. She sighed as she continued, 'I somehow ended up in a prank war against Fred and George. You may have heard the rumours this morning, about Pansy and Fred dating. Well, I was the one who started the rumour, as a prank, but Fred's now managed to manipulate it so that he can embarrass me instead.'

'Wait, hold up. Let me get this straight. _You_, Hermione, have started a _prank war_ with _Fred and George?!_ What on earth were you thinking?!' Harry almost shouted, causing Hermione to shush him and glance worriedly in the direction of Madame Pince, who was still asleep.

'Yes,' she said distractedly. 'Did you two make Madame Pince fall asleep or throw some sleep dust at her?' She asked, slightly confused as to why the librarian was still asleep.

'Nope,' the two boys replied, equally confused. Suddenly, a cackle of laughter filled the library, causing Hermione to shoot up from the chair and grab her wand.

'Oh, those idiots,' she hissed, angry that Fred and George had come into the one place that she regarded as her sanctuary. She felt the air shift behind her and she spun around to see two almost identical redheads grinning down at her mischievously.

'Hello Hermione. Fancy – '

'– seeing you here.' George finished their sentence.

'You both know perfectly well that I'm almost always in the library. Now, what do you want? Or are you both just here to cause chaos and mischief?' She demanded, crossing her arms across her chest and tapping her foot impatiently.

'Well, we're actually here for revenge –'

'– for the prank that you pulled on Forge this morning.'

'You already had your revenge, remember? By saying that I was going out with you, Fred.' She said, pointing her finger at one of the twins. They both looked at her, still slightly amazed that she could tell them apart when not even their mother could.

'I wonder how she does that, Gred,' Fred mused to his twin.

'I don't know, Forge. Maybe we should ask her.' George smirked at his twin before grinning widely at Hermione. Fred seemed to understand what George was alluding to and, with no prior indication, he stooped down, grabbed Hermione by the waist, and slung her over his shoulder as though she were a sack of potatoes and was as light as a feather.

'FRED WEASLEY, PUT ME DOWN THIS INSTANT!' She yelled as loudly as she could, startling many of the other students, but it still wasn't loud enough to rouse Madame Pince from whatever deep slumber the twins had induced.

She hammered her fists on Fred's back, trying to make him put her down and let her go, but years of being battered by bludgers had made him almost immune to the feeling of being punched. Hermione seemed to realise this and gave up her assault on his back. Instead she yelled in his ear, causing him to wince in pain and ask George to perform a _Silencio _on her.

'George Weasley, I swear, if you even try to shut me up I'll –' She was cut off midsentence and George began to smirk, until he noticed Hermione's glare. He scuttled round and walked on the other side of his brother.

Almost 5 minutes later, the trio entered the Gryffindor common room, which was filled with students, all of whom gawped at the sight of Hermione slung over Fred's shoulders, including Ginny. Her mouth opened and closed a few times, a bit like a goldfish, before she finally managed to speak.

'Fred, George, what are you doing with Hermione?'

'We're going to interrogate her –'

'– using some of our inventions.' The twins grinned at their sister and were about to continue towards the dormitories when Ginny's voice stopped them.

'No you're not. We agreed to have a prank war. We never agreed on torturing our opponents.'

'Ah, but dear sister, you're forgetting that Hermione –'

'– is my girlfriend now.'

By some miraculous coincidence, the _Silencio _ spell that George had cast on her earlier wore off at that exact moment, and before she realised, her voice was back and she was yelling incredibly loudly.

'I am NOT your girlfriend, Fred. It's just another one of your pranks. Now, put me DOWN!' She bellowed. Fred, trying to cover his ears and still keep hold of Hermione, handed her over to George and went over to his sister. He quickly whispered something in her ear and she nodded, all the while looking at Hermione.

Fred walked back over to the pair and whispered something in George's ear. Their faces split into identical grins and they bounded up the stairs, ignoring Hermione's protests.

The door ahead creaked open and Hermione was confronted by the chaos that was the 7th years' room. There was a half-eaten sandwich on one of the desks, socks and other various items of clothing were strewn over the floor and there were white feathers everywhere.

'Excuse the mess, won't you Hermione? We had a pillow fight last night and haven't got around to clearing up yet,' George said, settling her down on what she assumed to be his bed.

'Now, there are a few things that we want to know, and you aren't leaving until you give us answers.' The twins grinned at each other before turning to face Hermione. She swallowed and fear danced in her eyes. This wasn't going to go well. Not for her, anyway.


	3. Chapter 3

**The Princess' Jester**

**I'm very sorry for the delay in updating but I've been busy with exams for the past week and I've just found out that I have to redo my art exam so that's meant that I've found it difficult to update. Anyway, a big thanks to all my lovely followers and reviews. There are so many of you now that I can't put you all down! Hope you all enjoy this chapter!**

Chapter 3

No one was quite sure as to the identity of the person screaming their head off in the 7th year boy's dormitory. Many speculated that Hermione was in fact jinxing the twins into oblivion, but the few who knew Hermione and knew what the twin's screams sounded like also knew that this was probably an incorrect assumption.

In the dormitory, Hermione had just managed to leap off the bed towards the door when George had wrapped his large muscular arms around her waist and dragged her back towards the bed where Fred was perched precariously on the edge. She screamed as loudly as she could and thrashed about in his arms but none of it seemed to make any difference.

'Hermione–' George managed to grunt out as the petite girl once again managed to elbow him in the stomach. He may have had a toned, lean stomach and an increased pain threshold from Quidditch, but it didn't mean that he was impervious to the blows from her small, bony limbs. 'Fred!' George yelled, desperately hoping that his brother would be able to help him keep Hermione still.

Fred sauntered over to George, ignoring the glare from his twin and Hermione, before proceeding to grab Hermione's ankles and hold them together tightly. George shot him a grateful grin and sighed in relief. Fred could tell that his brother would have bruises from where Hermione had managed to deal some pretty vicious blows. 'Calm down, Hermione. We just want to ask you a few questions,' he said with a mischievous grin and a sly wink. Hermione tried to struggle again but realised that it was futile. The twins deposited her on the bed and George sat behind her with his arms still wrapped around her and her body placed between her legs. Fred still had his hands wrapped around her tiny ankles.

'Merlin, Hermione! You're very thin. Have you been eating properly?' George asked her as he felt her ribs through her thick school uniform. The young witch turned her head away from him and pursed her lips. 'Hermione,' George dragged out her name in a warning tone. 'You have been eating properly, haven't you?'

Hermione kept her lips pursed resolutely and refused to look at either of the twins. After all, it wasn't their business whether she had or hadn't been eating properly. 'I don't think it's any of your business, George. I can eat as much or as little as I so please,' she said in a haughty tone, trying to get them to drop the subject.

'Hermione,' the twins chorused in tones of warning. They hated the idea that Hermione hadn't been looking after herself. They cared for her and they didn't want to see her become ill. However, Hermione either didn't care what they thought or hadn't heard their warning tones and she continued to avoid both their gazes.

'Eat,' Fred demanded, shoving a chocolate bar towards her and gesturing for her to open her mouth. She set her lips in a straight line. 'If you don't eat it by yourself Hermione, we'll have to force you to eat it. Now, are you going to do this the easy or the hard way?' He warned her. Her lips twitched up at the corners.

'I've never been one to do things the easy way.'

'Right Gred, you hold her down, I'll shove the chocolate down her throat.'

'Ok Forge.' George tightened his grip around her middle as Fred tried to prise open Hermione's lips, eventually resorting to using a lip-locker counter curse to open her mouth. She protested vehemently that it was against her human rights for them to force feed her but all George did in response was cast a _Silencio_ to make sure that she swallowed her food instead of choking on it. Once the last of the chocolate was gone, George slackened his grip around her middle and Fred sat at the end of the bed once again.

'Are you feeling better now, 'Mione?' George asked in a patronising tone.

_Always the gentleman, _Hermione thought bitterly. Out loud however, she said, 'Yes.'

'And you're going to tell us why you aren't eating, aren't you?' Fred said in an equally patronising tone.

'No.'

'Yes you are. And you're also going to stop giving us one syllable answers.' This sounded like more of a statement than a question from George.

_So much for being a gentleman,_ Hermione almost snorted, but caught herself in time. She didn't want the twins to think she was mad.

'No.'

'Well that's a shame isn't it, Gred. I mean, I'd hate to have to use a loose-lips charm just to make you talk to us. Though think of what we could learn then.'

'You dare–' Hermione was cut off by Fred pressing a finger gently to her lips.

'Shush. He wasn't being serious, 'Mione. But we are worried about you. Please, just tell us why,' he pleaded with her. Hermione felt guilty, looking at the twins' worried expressions.

'Oh, alright. I guess I haven't been eating because I've spent most of my time in the library, trying to figure things out and plotting the downfall of our headmistress,' she admitted, slightly embarrassed.

'Well then, I think we need to keep you out of that tainted and foul place, don't you agree Gred?' Fred asked with a devious grin.

'Oh I do, Forge. The only trouble is, how do we make sure that she stays out of that place?' George asked with a similar devious grin.

'Well, I do have an idea, Gred. Why don't we keep an eye on our little bookworm all of the time?' Hermione marvelled at the fact that Fred and George's grins hadn't split their faces into two. The grinned down at her and Hermione suddenly found herself feeling nervous. _All of the time._ If the twins were true to their word, which they usually were, then Hermione wouldn't be stepping one toe into the library until the twins had left Hogwarts. Even then, they'd probably set up all manner of booby traps and curses to make sure that she couldn't go into it after they'd left.

'But what about my homework?' Hermione almost cursed herself as the words slipped unbidden from her lips. The twins glanced at each other and their grins became even wider if possible.

'Who needs homework?' They asked in unison. Hermione groaned and slumped back against George. She blushed lightly as she noticed how firm and muscular his chest was. The twins noticed her blush and winked at her.

'Enjoying yourself, are we?' Fred teased.

'Bet she is, Forge. And I bet you're jealous, Forge,' George taunted his brother. They were both aware of the crush that the other had on the little witch. Fred scowled at his brother, before dragging Hermione out of his brother's arms and wrapping her in his embrace. Hermione blushed lightly again as she noticed that Fred also had a very firm and muscular chest.

'So, whose arms do you prefer being in, 'Mione?' Fred asked her, not entirely joking.

'I can't decide,' she said quietly, snuggling into the warmth that radiated from Fred. George came up beside her wrapped his arms around her as well. All three slowly drifted off into a very peaceful slumber.

And this was how Harry found them 3 hours later when he came searching for her to tell her that it was dinner time. He didn't disturb them though, leaving her to rest, her limbs tangled up with the twins'.


	4. Chapter 4

**The Princess' Jester**

Chapter 4

It was almost 10pm by the time Hermione and the twins awoke from their slumber. They all tried to untangle their limbs, resulting in George toppling off the bed and falling with loud SMACK onto the cold, stone floor. Fred, of course, found this hilarious, and when he went to help George off the floor, he couldn't help but burst into a small fit of very unmanly giggles. This resulted in George pulling him onto the floor when Fred finally offered him a hand up. Meanwhile, Hermione had also burst into a small fit of giggles, trying desperately to quell them. The twins merely glanced at each other before grinning and pulling Hermione off the bed and on top of them.

'Didn't seem fair–'

'–for you to be left out, 'Mione.' This only sent Hermione into another a fit of giggles. She briefly wondered what had made her mood change so drastically, before becoming instantly suspicious of the chocolate the twins had fed her earlier.

'What did you put into the chocolate earlier on?' She asked, suspicious of the twins' true motives.

'Oh Mione, such a suspicious –'

'– and distrusting mind.' The twins looked at each other and grinned while Hermione frowned at them.

'What did you do?' She demanded.

'We may have added a very mild sleeping draught –'

'– mixed in with some Joyous potion.' Hermione groaned and collapsed onto the twins' chests. It wasn't that she wasn't ever so slightly grateful to the twins for slipping her the sleeping draught as she hadn't sleeping properly for days. No, it was the fact that the twins had once again managed to outwit her.

Fred and George wrapped their arms around her and dragged themselves back onto the bed with Hermione in tow. 'Oh Crikey Fred, we're late for dinner.'

'Let's get going then. We'll drop by the kitchens instead, and see if any of the house elves will prepare us a little midnight feast. Come on, 'Mione,' George said when he saw that Hermione was making no move to leave the room.

'It's all right. I'm not very hungry, actually. That chocolate filled me up,' she lied, wincing at how false her voice sounded. Then her stomach growled loudly. _Traitor,_ she thought venomously.

'Right and I'm Dumbledore. Hermione, you're coming to the kitchens to eat, whether you want to or not,' Fred stated, before dropping down to her level and throwing her over his shoulder. She suddenly had a feeling of déjà vu as she remembered earlier in the day. She decided not to hurt her hands again by pounding her fists on his back. Instead, she settled for trying to jinx him without making him drop her. This was put to a stop when cast yet another _Silencio_ on her. She'd really have to get him to stop doing that. She'd also have to learn non-verbal magic if she really wanted him to stop shutting her up.

10 minutes later the trio arrived in the kitchens, the scent of warm dough and sugary pastries filling the air with a beautiful aroma. While Fred went to find a house elf, Hermione stayed behind with George. He twirled a lock of her hair round his finger absentmindedly while she played with the hem of her shirt and bit her lip. _She looks so attractive when she does that,_ George thought, smiling when she realised what he was doing and blushed lightly.

'George, why are you playing with my hair?' She asked, cursing as her voice unsure and unsteady. He leaned in close until the proximity between them was virtually nil, then he whispered in her delicate ear, 'Isn't it obvious, 'Mione?' His warmth breath tickled her ear and his voice was low and husky. He moved his lips away from her ear and down to her neck, kissing it lightly before moving away and twirling her hair again. Hermione suddenly found it had to breathe properly and she tried to put as much distance between herself and George, hoping that that would cure it.

But George wasn't having any of it. He looped an arm around her waist and pulled her back towards him. 'Hey Fred,' he called to his twin who was fast approaching. 'Look what I caught.' Fred smirked at Hermione with a predatorily, and Hermione suddenly felt very nervous, like she was his prey. She turned her head to look at George and saw that he was wearing the same smirk.

'I – I – I really ought to be going now,' she managed to stutter out, trying to wriggle out of George's grasp.

'Nope. You're not going anywhere, 'Mione.' Fred shoved a piece of cake her way, and she glanced at it warily, expecting another trick. 'I promise I haven't tampered with it his time,' he said after seeing her doubtful expression. She took it from his outstretched hand, nibbling at the corner of it and savouring the taste of the vanilla icing, moist sponge and milk chocolate buttons. In less than two minutes she'd managed to devour her slice, as had the twins. Suddenly, a large yawn escaped her lips and she stretched her arms above her head.

'I'm going to head back to the tower. Are you two coming? Or are you going to play pranks on more unsuspecting first years, suddenly remembering that she was meant to be in the middle of a war with the twins, not sharing secrets and having tea parties.

'We shall escort you to the tower like proper gentlemen would,' George said, bowing to her and offering her his arm. Fred also did the same, and they all ended up walking back to the tower arm in arm.

The next morning, Fred and George were unceremoniously roused from their slumber by the raucous laughter of their dorm mates. Slowly, they both rubbed the sleep out of their eyes, and sat up, pushing back the covers. Then they looked at each other and both had to slap a hand across their mouths to stop themselves from laughing. While George was sporting Ravenclaw blue hair, Fred's hair was a bold Slytherin green. Both twins rushed into the bathroom and looked into the mirror, shouting in horror as they saw their reflections. Outside the dormitory door, a light, tinkling laugh could be heard. Realisation slowly dawned over the twins' faces and identical sly grins appeared on their faces. They walked out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom, standing next to the door.

'Oh, 'Mione!' Fred called in a sing-song voice. 'Do you mind coming here for a minute?' Then they flung open the door, grabbed the still giggling witch and hauled her inside the room.

'Hello, 'Mione!' George greeted her with fake cheerfulness. 'How are you this morning?' He asked, stalking towards Hermione, who had begun to retreat, seeing the sly looks on the twins' faces. She really was quite scared of what they would do as payback. Maybe it had been a tad mean to colour their hair. Then she remembered the time they had dyed Ginny's hair bright magenta and decided that her prank was actually pretty good.

'Now, now, George. Hasn't mum always taught you not to play with your prey?' Fred mockingly scolded his brother, his mouth curled into a devious smirk. He also advanced upon the poor witch, who tripped backwards and fell onto the bed. George took this opportunity and jumped on top of her, making sure not to hurt her, but successfully managing to pin her to the bed at the same time. Fred moved round behind her and sat her up between his legs, his arms wrapped firmly around her waist. Hermione writhed around in vain to escape, but Fred's grip was too firm.

'Hmm, what do you think we should do about her, Forge?' George asked his twin.

'I don't know, Gred. It was pretty mean of her to dye our hair, especially these colours,' Fred mused, making Hermione open her mouth to protest.

'But what about the time you dyed Ginny's –' She was cut off by George putting a hand over her mouth. By now, all the other boys had cleared out of the room, not wanting to be caught up in whatever prank the twins were planning for Hermione.

'You know, Forge, I've had the most brilliant idea ever. Do you remember when you said that you'd love to have a slave for a day? How about we make Hermione our property for a day?' George gave her one of the most wicked grins Hermione had ever seen. She tried to object, but it came out muffled as George still had a hand over her mouth.

'Brilliant idea, Fred. Here, try this spell,' the other red-headed twin said, handing George a piece of paper with some scribbles on it.

'Exaratum super eos,' George read aloud, finishing with a flourish of his wand.

Hermione gasped as she felt a tingling sensation on her arm and looked down to see '_Property of Gred and Forge' _tattooed in crimson and gold onto her wrist. She rubbed at it furiously, trying to remove it, but it stubbornly stayed where it was. She looked up and scowled at the twins fiercely.

'Remove it! Now!' She growled, but George simply shook his head and clicked his tongue.

'Fred, I seem to remember that spell now. Isn't it derived from a weak binding spell?'

'Yes, it is. You see, the person is bound to their master, or in this case, masters, for about a day. The master can order the bound person to do anything, within reason at least.' The twins smirked at each other, and then turned to face Hermione, whose face had blanched. 'But how do we make sure that she obeys us at all times?' Fred pondered, and a thoughtful look emerged on his face.

'Do you still have those skiving snack-boxes, Forge?'

'Of course! That's perfect, Gred!' Fred exclaimed loudly, not noticing Hermione's puzzled expression. _Why on earth would they want a skiving snackbox? _As if something had clicked into her brain, it all fit. They were going to get her o skive off lessons for the entire day.

'NO WAY!' She shouted, making the twins wince at the volume of her voice. 'I am NOT skiving class all day just because you two have put some stupid bond on me.' She stood up and attempted to leave the room when she was stopped by some invisible force.

'Hermione, sit down,' George ordered her. Even though she tried to struggle, she felt compelled to do exactly as George had said. 'There's a good girl. Now, open wide,' he said, a coaxed her into eating a piece of Fever Fudge as they both swallowed Puking Pastilles. Then they hurried her towards the hospital wing. As soon as the tri got there, Fred and George threw up into two buckets and Hermione felt her temperature rising. She suddenly felt very hot and stuffy in her jumper and cloak. Madame Pomfrey approached the trio and assessed them before allowing them permission to stay off school for the rest of the day. She especially fussed over Hermione as she remembered the times that the young girl had been in the hospital wing before.

Half an hour later, the trio were back in Fred and George's room, lying down on Fred's bed as they played a game of exploding snap. George had finally managed to find the antidotes to the awful sweets. Suddenly, Fred reached over and grabbed Hermione's chin, making her face him and look deeply into his eyes.

'Hermione, are you cheating?' He demanded.

'No – no, of course not,' she stammered slightly, slightly embarrassed at the fact that Fred had caught her. He was much more perceptive than both Ron and Harry. Both Fred and George raised their eyebrows in disbelief.

'Oh, really? You know, Fred, I think that our little bookworm is lying. And lying is very bad, isn't it?' He spoke in a very patronising voice. 'Perhaps she needs to be taught not to lie.'

'Oh yes, I agree.' Hermione gulped as both of the twins glanced at her and wicked grins plastered their faces.

**I may possibly write a separate M rated chapter for those of you who would like me to, but I would really rather keep this story T rated, so I will post it as separate story. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I shall update soon!**


	5. Chapter 5

**The Princess' Jester**

Chapter 5

Hermione wasn't quite sure why she had agreed to go to Hogsmeade with the twins. It may have been because they threatened to replace all her sensible, white, cotton underwear with some hideously scanty lingerie. She wasn't actually sure that you could call it underwear. It looked more like pieces of string tied together. It may also have been because they threatened to brand every single one of her shirts with 'Property of Gred and Forge'. The other possibility was that the bonding mark spell still hadn't worn off, and so Hermione still felt compelled to acquiesce to their requests.

That was why on Sunday morning at around 8 in the morning, she found herself trying to tame her hair into a ponytail while throwing on a pair of dark blue jeans and a grey shirt. She looked outside to check the weather, and saw that it was quite windy, and she decided to throw on a black cardigan too. Despite Ginny's pleas, Hermione hadn't let her do her make-up. Instead, she left her face natural and pure apart from a tiny smudge of lip-gloss that Ginny had insisted she wear.

She pressed her lips together and gazed in the mirror critically, adjusting the hem of her cardigan before ricocheting out of the bedroom and taking the steps two at a time, more than a little excited for her date – no, her _meeting_ – in Hogsmeade.

Fred and George were also up very early, making an effort to look presentable. They had both donned white shirts and black trousers, and were considering whether to wear trainers or some smarter shoes when Lee burst into the room.

'I – I – I have –' he tried to say in between his gasps of breath. He was bent over, breathing hard and clutching his chest, trying to catch his breath. 'I have to tell you something,' he finally managed to wheeze out.

'What is it?' The twins asked at the same time, curious to know what their friend had to say.

'Ron just told Harry that he has a crush on Hermione,' he said, his breathing almost back to normal. He glanced up to see the twins' faces turning the same shade as their hair. They clenched their fists and stormed out of the room, heading towards the common room.

When they reached the common room, they were greeted by the sight of Ron trying to kiss Hermione, and Hermione desperately trying to struggle out their brother's arms. They stalked over to their youngest brother and each placed a hand on Ron's shoulders. Ron delayed his attempts momentarily to look up and glance at the identically angry faces of his brothers. He audibly gulped and pulled away from Hermione slightly.

'Wha – what do you two want?' He stammered nervously. He wasn't usually scared of his brothers, but the twins looked murderous.

'Oh, ickle Ronniekins, we wanted to talk to you –'

'– and warn you that if you ever try to make a move on Hermione ever again–'

'– we'll make sure no girl will ever go out with you again.' The twins threatened, using their 'twin-speak' to confuse their brother briefly. They each grabbed one of Ron's arms and dragged him away from Hermione, depositing him outside the entrance to the Gryffindor common room. 'Leave her alone, Ron,' was all that the twins said as they left their bewildered brother lying on the cold stone floor.

'Mione, are you ok?' Fred asked her, pulling her onto his lap as her perched on a plush, red sofa. 'Did our brother scare you?'

'Not really. He just cornered me and tried to slobber all over me. Thanks for rescuing me. Shall we head down to the Hall now?' She said, before glancing at their feet and adding, 'You might want to get some shoes on though. It looks pretty cold out there.' The twins gave her identical grins and rushed back up to their dorm, slipping on their best trainers before hurrying back down to see a smirking Hermione.

'Well, you two seem to be in a rush. What's so special about today?' She asked teasingly. They also smirked, before grabbing the young witch by her arms and dragging her through the portrait door.

The trio trekked through the streets of Hogsmeade arm in arm. Their first port of call was Zonko's for the twins' new pranks. Hermione reluctantly entered the store, lingering by the door as Fred and George browsed the shelves mulling over each item and weighting the pros and cons. The twins took their own sweet time on finding the _necessary_ equipment they needed before finally paying the store owner. Hermione let out a sigh of relief. If she'd had to wait any longer, either her legs would have gone dead or she would have yelled at the twins to hurry up.

Next they stopped at Honeydukes, both the twins stuffing their arms full with various types of sugary tooth-rot. Hermione once again lingered by the door, eyeing the delectable confectionary suspiciously. She remembered having a very bad experience with some Bertie Bott's beans.

'Come on, Hermione. Aren't you going to chose anything?' One of the twins asked. Hermione's eyes almost popped out when she saw the amount of candy in George's arms.

'Are you really buying all of that?' She asked concernedly, gesturing towards the large pile in his arms that was now threatening to topple over.

'Well, yes. Now, choose something to eat.' Hermione shook her head, refusing to pick out anything to eat. Her parents were dentists, and they'd drilled into her at an early age that sweets were very bad for her teeth. She also wasn't feeling very hungry, but she knew that the twins would still force her to eat something if she said that. 'Fred, make Hermione choose something,' he called over to his twin. Said twin looked away from a jar of Exploding Bonbons and started over towards Hermione. Hermione, not really wanting to have to eat any of the sweets, ducked out of the door and hurried through the streets towards the Shrieking Shack.

Fred saw Hermione hurrying out of the shop and handed his portion of sweets to George, who went to pay for them. Fred rushed out of the store, trying to follow Hermione, but she just seemed to have disappeared. He looked around, turning this way and that way until he spotted Harry walking hurriedly down the street.

'HARRY!' Fred shouted, trying to catch the raven-haired boy's attention. Harry spun around and saw that Fred was calling to him. 'Harry, have you seen Hermione? Do you know where she's gone?' He asked, panic creeping into his voice. Hermione was a strong girl; he knew that she could take care of herself, but he was still worried for her. Fred felt a hand press onto his shoulder and knew that his twin had caught up with him.

'She's probably gone to the clearing in the woods near the Shrieking Shack. We meet up their sometimes. If she's not there, then try the Three Broomsticks,' Harry answered helpfully, gesturing in the direction of the Shrieking Shack.

Fred and George hurried off towards the haunted house, almost crashing into several Hogwarts students and Madame Rosemerta in their haste. They bags swung around wildly on George's arms and Fred took a couple of them to make sure that the bags didn't turn into guided missiles.

The twins reached the clearing a few minutes later, and saw Hermione perched on a large boulder facing the shrieking shack, her back towards them. George cleared his throat and Hermione whipped round to face them, her wand drawn and aimed in their direction. As soon as she saw that it was just the twins, she lowered her wand and hid it back in the folds of her robes.

'So, care to explain why you ran away –'

'– and what you're doing here?'


	6. Chapter 6

**The Princess' Jester**

Chapter 6

'Well, you see, I wanted to come and explore the Shrieking Shack to find out its history and why people were so scared of it and...' Hermione trailed off as she saw the looks of disbelief on the twins' faces. She knew that trying to lie to them was futile. They were the best liars at Hogwarts. They had to be to avoid getting detention every night for pranks.

'Uh-huh, now why don't –'

'– you try again but –'

'–this time you tell us –'

'–the truth.' They finished, trying to confuse her with their twin speak and get her to spill her secrets, but Hermione wasn't about to give up that easily.

'What makes you think I'm not telling the truth?' She said haughtily as she stood, crossed her arms and lifted her chin up to meet the twins' gazes.

'Do you really think we're that dumb Hermione?' Fred asked her, also crossing his arms and adjusting his stance.

'You don't believe in all this superstitious nonsense. You rushed out of the shop for some other reason. Tell us,' George demanded, mimicking his twin's stance.

'If I said that I didn't want to talk about it, would you stop asking me?' She said exasperatedly, sighing as she sat back down on the boulder. The twins glanced at each other before each placing a hand on Hermione's shoulder and crouching down to her level.

'Hermione, love, we just want to make sure you're ok and that you eat properly,' George said, concern lacing his voice. Hermione gave a mirthless laugh.

'Yeah, sure. Sweets are obviously proper food,' she said sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

'What my dear brother means is that we want to make sure that you eat anyway, regardless of whether it's healthy or proper. Now, what's the matter?'

'I'm just not very hungry, that's all,' she conceded, not wanting to give away more than that. Fred and George glanced at each other before removing their hands from her shoulders. They both knew that she wasn't telling them the whole story, but if she wanted to tell them, she would in time. They linked arms with her and began the trek back towards the centre of Hogsmeade.

'Oh, look who it is. It's the mudblood with the blood traitors. Don't you think they make a lovely trio? Think they'll have redheaded mudblood children?' A sneering voice came from the line of trees. The trio spun round to be confronted by Malfoy and his two goons. Fred and George quickly drew their wands, pushing Hermione behind them protectively. Hermione huffed as she was perfectly capable of defending herself against the weasel. 'Oh, the weasels have drawn their wands on me. Oh, I'm so scared,' Malfoy squealed in a high-pitched voice, making Crabbe and Goyle laugh.

'Hey George, should we give Malfoy a pig's tail, or pink hair?' Fred asked his brother, grinning menacingly at Malfoy, who gulped slightly. Malfoy took a small step back, something which both of the twins noticed.

'I believe he deserves both,' George said in an equally menacing voice. Malfoy paled, and then turned and ran, leaving Crabbe and Goyle floundering behind him.

'Honestly, you two, I'm not incapable of defending myself,' Hermione grumbled from behind the twins. They turned and looked at the smaller witch who had a slight pout on her face. Fred and George glanced at each other, confirming that the other thought that it was very cute indeed.

'We were doing the noble and chivalrous thing,' Fred replied, bowing slightly.

'Protecting you, my lady, is our priority,' George said, copying his brother. Hermione giggled at the absurdness of the twins' actions, before offering her arms to them. They grinned and looped their arms through hers. 'Where shall we head to now?'

'Well, I personally would like to go to Tomes and Scrolls to pick up some more books,' Hermione said matter-of-factly. The twins gave her a despairing look, but allowed her to drag them along anyway.

* * *

Half an hour and six book purchases later, Hermione, Fred and George emerged from the bookshop into the sparse streets of Hogsmeade. Most of the other Hogsmeade students had started to head back towards the castle. Hermione grinned happily as the twins pulled her towards the castle, chatting away happily about future pranks and the joke shop that they were going to get in Diagon Alley.

'And we can have a large animated arm raising a hat from a head that looks like one of us,' Fred suggested to his brother as they discussed their new joke shop over the top of Hermione's head.

'Yep, and we can sell that Nosebleed Nougat as part of the Skiving Snackboxes. Oh, and what about those Puking Pastilles we tested on the Slytherin first years,' George also suggested, whispering the last part as he was scared to face the wrath of Hermione Granger. They knew that Hermione really wasn't too happy about them testing products on first years. In fact, that was what had led to their prank war.

'George, please tell me that you haven't been testing more of those silly vomiting sweets on the poor first years?' She said, looking at him with a pointed expression.

'For fear of being hexed to within an inch of my life, I think I'll say...no comment,' he replied with a sheepish smile on his face. Hermione sighed and rolled her eyes. She knew that they would keep testing their products on first years, even if she asked them not to.

'Cheer up, 'Mione. Have some chocolate instead,' Fred said, breaking off a large chunk of the dark chocolate that the pair had bought in Honeyduke's. Hermione hesitated before shaking her head. 'Hermione, what did we say about your eating habits?' Fred warned her sternly. 'Do you want us to have to force feed you again?'

'Fred...,' Hermione whined, stamping her foot on the ground. The twins froze and their jaws dropped. Had Hermione Granger really just stamped her foot on the ground and whined at them.

'Gred, did you just see and hear what I did?' Fred asked his twin, his voice filled with awe.

'I believe I just did, dear brother,' George responded, before sweeping Hermione up in his arms.

'Wait! What?! George, why are spinning me round?!' Hermione all but shrieked as George began to twist around. He stopped spinning after he became dizzy and handed Hermione over to his twin, who steadied her as she got her bearings.

'Georgie, I think you've broken her,' Fred chuckled as Hermione leant against his chest for support. She unconsciously snuggled closer into the warmth that Fred radiated. Almost automatically, Fred's arms wound round her and pulled her closer still. Hermione breathed out a sigh of contentedness as she relaxed.

Suddenly, and without warning, Fred swept Hermione up into his arms and carried through the streets in a sort of bridal –style. Hermione was too cold to care about it anymore, and instead she nestled closer to Fred's torso. She found herself relaxing and her eyes slowly closed of their own accord.

The last thing she heard was two almost identical voices whispering 'Sweet dreams, 'Mione.'

**Thank you to absolutely everyone who has reviewed this story. I really appreciate it. I'm very sorry that I haven't updated in quite a while but I've had many exams and quite a lot of homework. If you want your say about who Hermione should be with, either check out the poll on my profile page or write something in your review. Thanks! **


	7. Chapter 7

**The Princess' Jester**

Chapter 7

The next few days were very eventful. The twins had completely, and unintentionally, lulled Hermione into a false sense of security. So it was no real surprise that she was tremendously aggravated when they managed to turn her uniform Slytherin green. It also wasn't surprising when the Fred and George turned up to their first class with Fluorescent Pink and Neon Green hair respectively. It also wasn't a surprise when Ginny turned up to breakfast in the great hall with 'I am a Potter Lover' inscribed on the back of her school jumper. However, what happened later on in the day after their last lessons was a surprise.

It occurred as Hermione was ascending the stairs to the Gryffindor common room. She felt exhausted because Snape had managed to give them an unthinkably long essay to write before next week and Hermione knew that she would end up doing Ron's as well as her own and help Harry with his essay and organise the next DA meeting and complete her transfiguration essay and keep up with the twins pranks... the list was endless. So it wasn't really surprising that because she was so tired, she had let her guard down for a few seconds.

But what was surprising was when a rough pair of hands grabbed her arms and dragged her into a deserted corridor. Hermione struggled with her captor, trying to shake off their arms and alert someone, _anyone_, to what was happening. However, she struggled a little less when she saw a familiar mop of red hair glinting in the moonlight. A very familiar face came into view, one that was repeatedly mistaken for another almost identical one.

'Fred?' She asked, shock and disbelief lacing her voice. She stopped struggling altogether as she finally realised who her captor was. He relaxed his grip on her arms slightly, but didn't let her go entirely. 'What are you doing, Fred?' She whispered, aware that they could be overheard or seen at any time.

Fred also seemed to be aware of this because he dragged her into one of the abandoned classrooms along the corridor. Hermione was about to repeat her earlier question when Fred pushed her against the wall, trying not to hurt her, but he was too focused on her plump, pink lips to care. He bent his head down to her level before placing a rough, urgent, heated kiss on her lips. The kiss was full of desire and longing, lasting until they both had to come up for air. Fred pulled back slightly, looking at Hermione for some sort of sign, something to tell him that he could kiss her again. He didn't really care what her answer was at that moment. All he knew was that he would kiss her anyway.

Thoughts were whizzing round Hermione's head at a million miles an hour. But not one comprehensible could be formed and spoken from her now swollen lips. She saw Fred looking at her, waiting for her to tell him that he could kiss her again. She nodded imperceptibly, her breathing erratic and her heartbeat galloping like horses at Ascot. She almost giggled as she thought of trying to explain Ascot to Fred. But she didn't have time to do anything else as Fred's lips once again descended upon hers. This kiss was slower and sweeter than the first, but just as passionate.

When they finally broke apart again, they were both panting, trying to catch their breath. Hermione recovered first, and asked warily, 'This isn't a prank, is it Fred?'

Fred look startled at first, and then fierce as replied, 'No, this is not a prank, Hermione. I like you, Hermione. Heck, I think I might even be in love you with you. I want to be with you. So, I'll ask you right now. Will you go out with me?'

Hermione froze mid-movement, her mouth gaping, and her eyes wide. She looked like a startled animal to Fred. An innocent, vulnerable, startled doe that had just noticed a predator that was stalking it. Suddenly, her brain kicked into gear, and she quietly whispered, 'Yes,' before Fred kissed her senseless once again. The kissing continued until they heard soft footsteps coming down the corridor, approaching the classroom door. The door slowly creaked open and Fred pushed Hermione behind him slightly, trying to shield her from whatever was about to appear through the door.

Both Hermione and Fred jumped when a head popped round the side of the door, but relaxed when they saw that it was only George. The other twin chuckled as he looked at Hermione's dishevelled clothes, swollen lips and tousled hair that matched his brother's. Hermione blushed slightly as she realised what she must look like, but Fred squeezed her hand reassuringly.

'Just thought that I'd retrieve you both before Filch and that damned cat find you in here,' George whispered, gesturing for them to follow him. Fred kept hold of Hermione's hand as the three of them carefully and quietly sneaked back into the common room. Before Hermione went up to her room though, Fred kissed her firmly on the lips and bid her goodnight. George also kissed her on the cheek before whispering quietly, 'Goodnight, soon-to-be Mrs. Fred Weasley.' He chuckled lightly as she whacked him on the shoulder, but she smiled at his comment nonetheless.

'You'd better not be stealing my girlfriend, Georgie,' Fred whispered to his twin as they both watched Hermione ascend the stairs.

'I wouldn't dream of it, Freddie. Besides, I've got a very nice date with Angelina Johnson for the next Hogsmeade weekend. I think I can let you have the girl this time.' Fred snorted and pushed his brother with his shoulder. George retaliated and they eventually ended up jostling each other all the way to their room, where they both slumped on their beds.

'Goodnight, Freddie,' George whispered.

'Goodnight, Georgie,' Fred whispered back to his twin.

**A shorter chapter than usual, I know, but I couldn't really think of much else to put in this chapter. I wanted to get Hermione together with one of the twins (majority vote was Fred, sorry to the Hermione/George people), and I also wanted to show that there were no bad feelings from George towards Fred. I also wanted to show that essence of fraternal love between them and that they'd never let a girl come between them both.**


	8. Chapter 8

**The Princess' Jester**

Chapter 8

Hermione couldn't say what had compelled her to get up at 5am and search the library for a spell to make writing appear on the back of someone's shirt like the one the twins had cast on Ginny. It could have been the fact that she had gone to bed early, only to be woken up 8 hours later by Lavender stumbling into the room, drunk, her lipstick smudged and her skirt put on backwards. Or it could have been the fact that earlier on in the evening she'd heard Ginny complaining about the other day when the twins had transfigured her jumper, and Hermione didn't want to be faced with yet more moaning at breakfast.

After half an hour of searching through useless books, she finally found one that actually contained something relevant within its cover. 'Thank the Marauders,' she exclaimed. At first glance it looked to be an ordinary textbook, if somewhat aged, with a brown cover and a curvaceous gold title. But after delving through its pages meticulously, she discovered that it was in fact a magical book outlining plans for tricks and hoaxes. She absently noted that if the twins ever got their hands on it, no one would ever be safe again. It seemed to have been made by a former Hogwarts student, as it was handwritten with a quill instead of printed. She suspected that the student may have been in Ravenclaw as there was a particularly difficult but useful spell (for boys at least) that counteracted the defence spells on the stairs to the girls' dormitories.

It wasn't until she reached the end of the book and turned to the page on the inside of the back cover that she realised who had written it. In the corner, faded by time and light, were four small signatures. _Moony, Padfoot, Prongs, Wormtail. _She gasped as she read the signatures. Not only had the four Gryffindors made an extraordinary map that allowed anyone to see the movements of people within Hogwarts (if you knew the incantation of course), but they had also written a book recording all their greatest pranks and spells they used, some of which they must have made up themselves. It was a work of genius.

She contemplated putting it back on the shelf and pretending that she hadn't seen it, but then a thought hit her. _Something like this would be like gold dust to the twins,_ she thought. Acting on impulse, and quite possibly adrenaline from finding such a relic, Hermione discreetly slipped the book into her bag. She was sure that the Marauders had slipped the book onto the shelf without ever telling Madame Pince, in the hopes that future pranksters would find it, so she was also sure that Madame Pince had no record of it on her library book list. No one would ever miss it or realise that Hermione had taken it. 'Merlin, I hope this stays hidden,' she whispered.

Being careful not to be seen by Filch, and using one of the secret corridors that she had once seen on the Marauder's Map, she stole back into the Common Room as quietly as she could, resolving to hide the book before Fred and George discovered she had it. But just as she was about to sneak up the stairs to her room, a voice from behind her startled her and made her freeze.

'A bit early to be up and about, isn't it 'Mione?' Came Fred's mocking voice from one of the plush, red sofas. Hermione turned to see him sprawled out with cushions propping him up. His flame red hair was sticking up at odd angles which suggested that he had only just got out of bed. Unusually his twin was nowhere in sight, which was always a bad thing. Where there was Fred Weasley, George Weasley was never far away. As it turned out, Hermione was right, as she usually was.

As a pair of arms slipped around her waist and deposited her on Fred's lap, she struggled desperately, knowing it was George and that the twins would soon discover the book. Fred then wrapped his arms around her waist to prevent her from making a quick dash for the stairs. George then retrieved her discarded bag and sat down on a sofa opposite the couple.

Fred now had Hermione sitting in between his legs, arms still wrapped firmly around her waist. Hermione, meanwhile, was praying to Merlin, the Founders, and every God and Goddess she could think of to get her out of this intact, preferably with the book.

'What's in the bag, Granger?' George grinned wickedly. He slowly delved through the contents, remarking on the fact that she had used an Undetectable Extension Charm on it. His sudden exclamation of joy had Hermione groaning in despair as he slowly removed the book from the bag.

'What is it, Gred?' Fred asked eagerly.

To his disappointment, George answered, 'It's a bloody textbook, that's what it is; a textbook on Divination.' George tossed the book on the sofa before delving back into the bag, but he stopped once Fred spoke.

'But didn't Hermione drop Divination as a subject. Something about it being a 'load of rubbish'. Those were your exact words, weren't they Hermione?' Fred asked, also grinning wickedly as Hermione groaned. Just when she'd thought she was safe. She looked up to find George flicking through the pages of the book.

'It really is just a divination book,' George said, a frown marring his handsome face. An almost identical frown marred Fred's face as his brother said this and Hermione let out a sigh of relief. She had been saved. Someone really had been looking out for her. George tossed the book back into the bag and, after even more rummaging, finally gave it back to her.

'You know, you still haven't explained what you're doing up this early,' Fred said in a silky voice, a grin on his face.

'Lavender came back to the dorm drunk at about 4am. She'd obviously been with that dreadfully boring but rather attractive Ravenclaw 6th year boy. Anyway, she made such a racket coming into the dorm that I woke up, and then I found that I couldn't get to sleep, so I decided to go to the library. Then I thought that I could just do some extra reading when that book caught my eye. I know it's a Divination book, but it looked interesting. I used one of the secret passageways to sneak back up here without being caught by Filch. It was easy really,' she explained with a small shrug of her shoulders. She hoped that she'd managed to lie convincingly enough. After all, most of it was true, but you had to be a very good liar to get one past the Weasley Twins.

Thankfully though, it seemed that luck really was on her side. Her reputation as an insufferable bookworm also helped of course. The twins could easily believe that she had gone to the library for just that reason at 5 in the morning. Just as she was about to get up from the sofa, Fred pulled her back down for a short, sweet kiss before he shooed her back up the stairs with a smile gracing his lips.

As soon as she was gone, George opened his mouth a let a stream of words pour from it. 'Fred, Fred, that book wasn't any ordinary Divination book, I could feel it. Hermione's hiding something, I just know she is. And whatever it is, it must be pretty big if she's hiding it from us. You know, her lie earlier was almost convincing, but not quite, eh? She wasn't going to the library for extra reading; she went down there looking for something. You're going to have to seduce it out of her,' he said, waggling his eyebrows at his younger brother, even it was only by 12 minutes.

'Seduce it out of her? Really, Georgie?' Fred asked with a voice full of disbelief. His brother really could be a twit sometimes. George gave him a confused look that caused him to sigh. 'Hermione's not likely to tell us something that she's so obviously keeping secret. I know we found out that she wasn't eating much lately, but still... If she tells us, she'll only tell us of her own free will. Plus, I don't think I could seduce her even if I tried. I may be Fred Weasley, Wizard and Ladies Man Extraordinaire, but that kind of stuff doesn't work on her. Trust me, I've tried.'

He sighed as he thought about how he'd first tried to get Hermione's attention. She'd never really noticed him before this year. It had taken a prank _war_ for her to notice him, and some very serious persuasion on his part for her to even go out with him. 'I'm off to the kitchens, Georgie. Are you coming?' He asked as he stood up from the really rather comfortable sofa.

'Nah. I'll stay here. Gonna sleep for a bit and then wait for Angelina,' he replied with a loud yawn. 'See you later, Freddie.'

'See you later Georgie,' Fred replied with a small, sad smile.

**I am so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so sorry that I haven't updated in absolutely ages. I've been ever so busy with exams and trying to figure out what the hell is going on in my life that I haven't been able to dedicate the amount of time that I would have liked to this story. In fact, I've had to put my other story, Aegis, on hold. I'm very sorry and I promise that I will try really hard to keep updating regularly. Please forgive me!**


	9. Chapter 9

**The Princess' Jester**

Chapter 9

_Perhaps I shouldn't have kept the book_, Hermione mused to herself as she found herself once again scanning the book of tricks that had been written by the Marauders.

Once Hermione had reached her room the previous day, she had been up until 7am flicking through the pages in the blasted book. She knew that shouldn't have been so engrossed by it, but some of the things that the Marauders had written down were truly brilliant. There were some spells that she would find useful for when she, Harry and Ron were sneaking around, which, with Umbridge still in charge, would be inevitable. There were other spells would be extremely useful for pranking the twins such as the 'Early Wake-Up' charm, which allowed the caster to conjure up a bucket containing a substance of their choice (the words for each substance had been scribbled in the margin), and then tip the substance over the victim. Some of the substances also had some rather funny side-effects such as multi-coloured hair, violet skin or the irresistible urge to do the 'funky chicken'.

Then there were the downright dastardly spells. Hermione suspected that the Marauders had used the spells on the Slytherins (and the occasional female, knowing Sirius). There were some lust potions (most of which had been written by Sirius she suspected, even though he probably hadn't had any trouble getting women to sleep with him anyway). There were also some rather nasty hexes and jinxes such as the 'Pins-and-needles' jinx, which made the victim feel as though they were being stabbed by lots of pins and needles. It sounded much more painful than ordinary pins-and-needles.

There was also another dastardly spell that had almost definitely been written by Sirius, as she couldn't really imagine dear Professor Lupin writing such things or even Wormtail sinking so low. The spell made the victim's shirt slowly disappear over a period of time. The caster could alter the period of time to make it longer or shorter. They could also add in contributing factors, such as if said the word 'transfiguration' over and over, their shirt would disappear quicker. Hermione could imagine Sirius testing this out on a few attractive girls while he was at Hogwarts. She felt truly sorry for them at that moment.

After flicking through the book for the fourth time, Hermione finally settled on a spell that would make the boys truly sorry that they had ever started a prank war with her and Ginny. The spell wasn't very complex, but she knew that she would have to sneak around to collect some of the things required for it. Firstly, she would have to collect a hair from a Slytherin. She remembered her second year with Harry and Ron when they had made Polyjuice Potion in the girls' bathroom. She shuddered as she remembered that she had accidentally picked up a cat hair instead of Millicent Bulstrode's hair. She would make sure that she didn't repeat that mistake this time. Perhaps one of Malfoy's hairs would do. After all, it would be a form of revenge for all the years of torment he had subjected her to.

She took the stairs two at a time, knowing that Harry would be in the Common Room at this time, even if he wasn't always an early riser. He had been having nightmares recently, and she knew that he wouldn't be able to sleep, nor would he want to sleep after he woke up.

Hermione was right, as she always was. There, curled on one of the plush red sofas, was the raven-haired boy with slightly skewed glasses. She smiled at him as she approached, and he gave her a small smile in return. 'Good morning Harry,' she greeted him cheerfully. 'Harry, I need a favour,' she asked, biting her lip. It had never really occurred to her that Harry would say no, but now that she was asking, it suddenly dawned on her that he might refuse. 'Harry, I need to borrow the cloak,' she said, lowering her voice so that they couldn't be overheard. Harry looked startled for a minute, but he hid it quickly and smiled.

'Am I allowed to ask what you'd like to do with it?' He asked with a mischievous grin on his face. She grinned back as she answered him.

'I'm going to sneak into the Slytherin dormitories and steal one of Malfoy's hairs. It's for a trick I'm going to play on the twins. Promise you won't tell them,' she continued with a small, hopeful smile on her face. Harry was still grinning as she explained.

'You can, and I swear I won't tell the twins, so long as you let me help you,' he bargained, holding up his hand for her to shake. 'Deal?'

'Well, I don't know Harry. The cloak doesn't hide us as much as it used to and –' she broke off as Harry arched his eyebrow.

'Hermione, we'll both it under the cloak. It is my cloak after all, plus, if you're going into enemy territory, you're going to want some back-up. Imagine what would happen if Malfoy caught you.' He left her to ponder his words, and after a moment of hesitating, she agreed.

'We'll go tonight, when the Slytherins leave for dinner. We should be in and out in about 10 minutes at the most,' she said with an almost feral grin at the thought of what was to come. If she was right, by breakfast on Thursday morning, the twins would be calling a truce as fast as they could say 'We surrender!'

* * *

Sneaking into the Slytherin Dorms hadn't been as hard as they'd imagined it would be. The Slytherins, for all their cunning and deviousness, weren't all that careful when they were leaving their quarters. The last Slytherins to leave, who had coincidentally been Crabbe and Goyle, hadn't remembered to shut the door properly. Hermione had cast a quick and quiet door-jamb charm, and moments later, both she and Harry had crept into the large and impressive Slytherin Common Room with its ornate and striking furnishings.

Harry led her up the stairs to the 5th year boys' dormitory, both of them still hidden under the cloak as a precaution. Cautiously, they pushed the door which swung open with a loud creak. Inside was probably the third messiest room Hermione had seen in her life (the first being Harry, Ron, Dean and Neville's room and the second being Fred and George's room in the Burrow). They headed over to the bed which they suspected that Malfoy slept in (the fact that it was the grandest bed in the room was quite a big clue). Their assumption turned out to be right. Several white blonde hairs covered the pillow.

'Looks like Malfoy's shedding,' Harry snickered, causing Hermione to giggle quietly. She slapped a hand over her mouth as she remembered where they were. She took one of the hairs off the pillow, checking that it really was human hair with a quick swish of her wand. Even though she knew that the twins deserved a good pranking, she didn't want them to go through what she had endured when she had accidentally turned into a cat. She carefully placed it into a small plastic bag and tucked it away into her cloak.

She motioned for Harry to hide them both with the cloak and they both slowly crept back down the stairs. _Well that was easy,_ Hermione thought as they headed towards the exit to the Slytherin Common Room. However, it seemed that Hermione had spoken too soon, because as soon as she'd thought that, the large doors swung open to reveal..._Malfoy!_

Harry grabbed her arm and pulled them both into a corner of the room. While they may have been invisible under the cloak, they still didn't want to take any chances. The crouched down so that they would be fully covered by the cloak as Malfoy flopped onto one of the sofas.

'Goyle, fetch me my grey book from beside my bed. It's the one with the green stones on the cover surrounded by gold vines; the one that my father sent to me.'

'Yes, Draco,' Goyle said before rushing up the stairs. Harry and Hermione held their breath as Draco continued to prattle on about his father and everything they had planned for the summer. Hermione had tuned out until Draco said, 'My father wants me to take the Dark Mark, this summer.'

Hermione almost screamed as she heard these words. She had to refrain from hexing him on the spot as it was. _How could he?! _She thought, outraged. _He may be a Slytherin, and he may be a Malfoy, but to announce that he would be another follower – no, servant – of Voldemort was just..._ Hermione couldn't really believe what she'd heard. Harry had the same shell-shocked expression of his face. They both knew that Malfoy wasn't very nice, but for him to take the Dark Mark, and at such a young age, was really quite unbelievable.

Hermione barely had any time to react as Harry leapt to his feet, the cloak slipping off him but still covering Hermione. She tried desperately to tug her best friend, her _brother_ really, back under the cloak, but he wouldn't budge. In his haste to get up, he had managed to knock over a silver platter on a cabinet.

Malfoy, of course, had heard a slight disturbance and turned round to see a furious looking Harry Potter. For a moment, Malfoy looked startled and his mouth fell open, but he recovered quickly and drew his wand from his robes.

'What are you doing here, _Potter_?' He sneered, motioning for Harry to move across the room so he had a clear line of fire, but Harry didn't move. Hermione held her breath as Malfoy turned an unflattering shade of puce before advancing towards Harry. 'Get out of her, _Potter, _before I mess you up forever. I'm sure your little girlfriend wouldn't like that at all.'

However, Malfoy backed away slightly as Harry drew his own wand and pointed it straight at him, casting a quick _Expelliarmus_ and disarming him. Harry stalked towards Malfoy, his wand still pointed at him. 'How DARE you, _Malfoy_?! Taking the dark mark, just to please _daddy_?!' He spat as his face turned crimson, matching the colour of the Weasley Clans' hair.

'Get out of here, Potter, before I hex you to bits!' He yelled, his face still not changing from the puce colour it had been before.

'Fine! But this isn't over Malfoy! It won't be over until you refuse to take the Dark Mark!' He yelled before storming out of the Common Room, leaving a flustered Malfoy behind him. Hermione remained motionless underneath the cloak, not quite comprehending what had just happened. Harry, good tempered, always clam Harry, had just lost his temper at Malfoy and screamed in his face before leaving the room, and effectively leaving Hermione trapped with Malfoy and Goyle.

* * *

Harry cursed himself as soon as he had calmed down in the corridor outside. He didn't know what he'd been thinking, confronting Malfoy like that. He'd just been so angry; angry at Draco; angry at Lucius for convincing Draco to take the Dark Mark; angry at Dumbledore for keeping him away from Sirius; angry at Voldemort for everything.

He realised now that he had left Hermione in the room with that _snake_, almost defenceless while he had being flouncing about and ranting about Malfoy.

Harry almost jumped out of his skin when a hand tapped him gently on the shoulder. He spun round to see Hermione grinning at him, the cloak in one hand, and her wand in the other. He pulled her into a warm hug, patting her on the back and whispering how sorry he was.

'It's alright Harry. You were angry and your emotions took control. It's easy to do. I forgive you. Let's get moving. I don't want to be here when Crabbe, Goyle and Malfoy wake up,' she said with a small, sly grin, motioning for Harry to follow her.

Once they were safely away from the dungeons, the pair started to discuss the plan that Hermione had in mind on the way to the Gryffindor Tower via the kitchens. After they had picked up some of the leftovers from the kitchen for their dinner, they sat outside the Common Room, next to the Fat Lady's portrait.

'So, how did you manage to get away from Malfoy?' Harry asked in between mouthfuls of lemon cheesecake. Hermione grinned as she took another chunk out of her chocolate cake.

'It was quite simple really. When Malfoy and Crabbe had their backs turned, I stunned them and knocked them unconscious. Goyle was a bit more difficult though. You see, he came down just as I had knocked out Malfoy and Crabbe. The idiot started to fumble around in his cloak, trying to find his wand,' she laughed at this point, remembering how silly Goyle had looked as he had swished his robes around in a desperate attempt to grab his wand and hex her, or defend himself. 'I managed to cast a body-bind curse on him, and then I managed to _Obliviate_ him so he wouldn't remember who had hexed him.' She grinned triumphantly as a similar grin appeared on Harry's face.

In Hermione's opinion, Harry deserved to smile more often. Out of all of them, he'd been given the hardest lot of all. Though his godfather was free, Dumbledore had insisted that he still stay with the dreadful Dursleys. Just the thought of Harry being sent back to those – those _monsters_, was enough to turn her stomach.

'That's brilliant Hermione. How did you manage to do that without being taught?' He asked with genuine awe in his voice. Hermione shrugged in reply, having no real answer for him. When she had first read about it, she had thought that while the spell might be useful, it was pretty appalling, to remove someone's memories without their consent. It reminded her about their second year and the tale that Harry had told her about his and Ron's confrontation with Lockhart near the Chamber of Secrets.

'Come on Harry, we have double Potions in the morning, and I'm betting that you still haven't managed to finish the essay that we were meant to hand in. Do you want a hand?' She offered as they wandered through the portrait hole into the Common Room.

Thought life may have been complicated, Hermione still couldn't imagine being much better. Voldemort may have been back, Sirius might still be wrongly accused of a crime he didn't commit and Malfoy might have been planning to become a death-eater, but it didn't matter to Hermione. All that mattered to her was that she was surrounded by her wonderful friends, the boy she considered to be her brother, and Fred, her gorgeous, hilarious boyfriend.

But soon, more than that would matter to her. Soon, everything she knew would be destroyed and great things would be expected of her and her friends.

* * *

**That's not much of a cliff-hanger, really, is it? Sorry that I didn't update quite as soon as I wanted, but I've got a Macbeth laboratory to do, a maths test to start and an Of Mice and Men essay to finish too.**

**I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'm thinking about finishing this particular story in another three chapters, though I will write a sequel with Year 6 in it if you'd like me too. Thank you to all my dedicated followers and reviewers. Your kind words inspire me and once I'm inspired, words begin to flow across the page (subtle hint for you there). I shall update soon I hope!**


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